A Letter to You from Eff Martin

What if we knew today what we will value most about our life at the end of it?  It is among the rarest of gifts to hear first-hand from someone we know and trust, what their life’s most treasured gifts are--at a time when they face almost imminent death. What did they learn and what are they doing with their remaining hours?  With thanks to Eff, we hope you find a thought in Eff’s story to hold on to in your own life.

My mind is filled with the remembrance of what happened in my life exactly one year ago.  A severe aortic root aneurysm had been identified in my heart.  If this type of aneurysm ruptures, it is usually immediately fatal.  Although I felt great, we later learned my aneurysm was in imminent danger of rupturing.  Except for one random test which identified the condition, I would likely have died from the aneurysm.  I ended up in open-heart surgery for 14 hours on a heart lung machine.  My own heart was not beating for much of that time.  It wasn’t until three days later that the doctors felt confident that I was going to make it.

This experience was of course extremely challenging physically and perhaps equally so spiritually and emotionally.  At various points I experienced uncertainty, severe anxiety, fear and a profound sense of my own inability to control my life. The question I pondered as I looked back on this experience was “What did I learn?”  

The initial reaction I have had was one of overwhelming gratitude.  I feel exceedingly grateful to God – and to all His helpers at Stanford Hospital and for my dear friends and family.   The doctors and nurses literally saved my life.  My friends and family prayed for me, visited me, walked with me, brought food to me and sent me notes of encouragement.  This surgery brought me to a point of total weakness and dependency on others.  I have never realized so profoundly how much I need other people. 

As one example, in the depths of my post-surgery struggles, I was quite anxious at night.  I will never forget Chip staying next to my bed with his hand on my foot to reassure me well past midnight into the early hours of the morning.  I am incredibly grateful for acts of love like this and am now much more highly motivated to show this kind of devotion and compassion for others when I can.

Second, I am profoundly aware of the fact that I have emerged from this health crisis for a reason.  Prior to the surgery, I had a clearly identified purpose and, in many ways, I was pursuing it to a reasonable extent.  However, this health crisis made me realize how much of the time I had still been living for myself.  I saw that in reality I was only partially committed and that there is so much more I can do to be faithful to my calling.   I know that going forward, my life is not my own.  I was given a new lease on life for a purpose and it would be a tragedy if I did not pursue that purpose with much greater passion, faithfulness and resolution. 

The final point of my personal reflection is spiritual. Prior to this experience I have never truly been confronted with my own mortality.  The surgery revealed that I was frighteningly close to a rupture of the aneurysm and the immediate aftermath of the surgery was also challenging.  In my moments of fear and anxiety, both before and after the surgery, the only place I could turn was to God.  My achievements, my career, my possessions and my reputation meant nothing to me. I needed the help that only God could give.  I feel that He answered my prayers both directly and through other people.  It has greatly intensified my desire to know Him more fully and to serve Him more faithfully.

I am very grateful to the many of you who were involved in supporting me in one way or another.  I hope these reflections will help you reflect on the immense power of human relationships and the importance of pursuing our purposes and our faith journey throughout our lives.